Tag Archives: new york city

Lifeline to Sanity

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Indian lock & key

People need people.

We are social animals. We surround ourselves with every type of human interaction. But along with this need and joy in communion also comes friction, disharmony, and hurt. Navigating those interactions with peace is where the practice comes in.

For me that practice is yoga and within that philosophy that practice is the four locks and four keys.

  • The four locks are people who are: happy, unhappy, virtuous, and wicked. There are four keys to open those locks and retain a peaceful interaction.
  • The four keys are: being friendly toward the happy (happy for their happiness), having compassion for the unhappy, joy for the virtuous (celebrating someone’s achievement), and equanimity toward the wicked (disregard, disengagement from those being hurtful).

Being a parent means those keys can get rusty. Having the energy and patience to be our best self is sometimes impossible. But remembering the practice is there and trying to follow it when possible is a step on the long path back to a more peaceful life.

I have wonderful spontaneous conversations with total strangers all the time in NYC. Recently while trying to get my 3-year-old to a class, after a grumpy morning from waking up at 5:45am, he fell asleep in the stroller on the way and would not be woken. This meant I had to carry him down and up 6 flights of subway stairs. Luckily a woman offered to help and we commiserated over the “tyrannical threes” or our “threenagers” (I just heard that term for the first time). And I didn’t feel so alone all of a sudden. We could laugh at the frustrations and smile in understanding. A helping hand and kind word went a long way.

And letting my son sleep was not only needed for him, but for myself as well – a quiet moment absent of whining, screaming, “its not fair”, and incessant demands and questions coupled with tackling me, jumping on me, pushing me, sitting on my head (his favorite), climbing on me, and stepping on me.

He’s loving the word “why” right now:

“You can’t go outside without shoes.”

“Why?”

“Because your feet will get dirty.”

“Why?”

“Because the ground is made of earth.”

“Why?”

“Because we live on Earth.”

“Why?”

“Because it is the perfect distance from the sun to be inhabitable by humans.”

“Oh.”

Patience is the lifeline to sanity.

What is patience? Detaching from the outcome of something. Removing expectations. Allowing what is, to be what is. Letting life unfold without attempting to control the timing or timeline. Listening. Waiting. Breathing.

Patience is having faith things will eventually be better.

Beauty resonates inside

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sculpture

Walking along the Hudson River with a dear and beautiful person, I looked out at the choppy water and remembered I live on an island. It’s so easy to forget in NYC that we are actually surrounded by nature and its beauty. My friend stopped and pointed, “What’s that?” We left the path for the deep green grass to puzzle over a large silver sphere with wire mesh on one side and revolving reflective discs inside.

“Hm,” I said eloquently. “Interesting.”

We continued our walk until we spied another large reflective silver piece hidden amongst the greenery. This one was a tall pole with twisting spirals elevated above us dancing in the wind, glinting in the bright sun, flashing like stars.

Our walk became a gallery visit with pieces of art jumping out at us here and there. We stopped to visit each one embracing this unexpected display.

One reminded me of a school of shiny silver sardines flitting in unison through the blue of the sky. Changing direction on a dime at the whim of the wind. Another seemed to fly this way and that – haphazard bats playing, chasing, and chirping as they appeared to swoop through the air while fixed in one spot. My favorite was of two tall lanky dancers – curved long bars moving, turning, waving. They bent in toward each other in an embrace and then revolved away into dissonance to only move again into harmony of shape. Each gust of wind formed a new interaction.

I realized how little space there was in my life for art – something that used to be more prominent – one of the reason that I moved to NYC. Art, to me, is something that moves you, emotionally. It is hugely subjective.

Those dancers moved me.

There is something in art that enlivens a beauty inside us.

The renowned yogi BKS Iyengar explored art and its connection to the spiritual:

“Art uses nature’s beauty and transcends it. It is a communication of the feelings of the artist, an expression of inner awakenings and experiences. Its development depends on the need it fulfils and on the vision of the artist. Its purpose is to be aesthetic, uplifting, beautiful, outstanding, educative and clear. Its ultimate goal is divinity, which the artist seeks to transmit to each individual and to society.”[i]

That beauty that resonates inside us is connected to something deeper – our inner self.  Art can be a path to experiencing our true selves or resonating with that energy bringing a sense of peace or joy or that feeling of being outside of ourselves for a moment.

Thank you NYC for reminding me why I live here and providing a moment of beauty, wonder, and joy.

Thank you to the artist George Sherwood and his work: Waves and Particles

Hudson River Park – Kinetic sculpture – http://www.hudsonriverpark.org/news-and-updates/waves-and-particles-an-installation-of-six-kinetic-sculptures-by-george-she

[i] Iyengar, BKS, The Art of Yoga, Harper Collins Publishers, New Delhi, 1993, p6.

Your most beautiful self

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pinkflower

 

I wrote the post below a month ago as I reveled in the beauty of a perfect August in NYC. But life has been a series of challenges for me this summer and many things, like blogging, have disappeared as quickly as summer seems to have. Looking again at these photos, I see perseverance –  blooming year after year, no matter what the hardship, no matter how harsh this city may sometimes feel, no matter if anyone notices or not. Being your most beautiful self amidst it all.

purpleyellowwhiteflower

 

From August –

I am so grateful to have the opportunity to teach yoga. It’s such a gift to guide beautiful souls in this practice. In my Friday evening class after several restorative poses and yoga nidra, I could literally feel each student opening like a blossom.

The deepest practice is in allowing ourselves to let go, to open, to drink in the sweetness of peace and let ourselves exist in that peace. Even only for a moment.

Lately I have been stopping to smell the roses and every other flower that seems to be exploding all around me. From the Highline, to city parks, to front stoops, on fences, in pots, or among weeds in a tiny square of dirt around a sidewalk tree – vibrant, colorful, joyful blossoms.

flowerbk

Replace the negative with the positive

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Image

Pratipaksha bhavana (Book 2 Sutra 33) is the practice of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. Negative thoughts are a kind of blame game – we can use them as an excuse, a justification, a defense against letting in anything unknown, challenging, or scary. “This happened because she is a terrible person. I can’t do this because the system is evil. It’s not my fault, this culture is too unfair.”

Feeding negative thoughts feeds hatred and builds a wall against interaction and exchange. We do this with ourselves as well, focusing on what’s wrong with us and feeding those insecurities and fears.

If we feed the positive, we feed openness. By feeding our own wonderful qualities we help them grow.

It sounds so simple to stop a thought and either just let it go or replace it with an opposite thought. But in practice it’s very difficult. I don’t even realize where my mind has gone when I am in the middle of an internal rant until I am well invested in the negative emotion. If I’m lucky I realize what I’m doing and then can try to change what’s going on in my head. Then I have to be vigilant about not watering the negative seeds I planted (they will still try to survive) and try to plant positive seeds instead.

If making a 180 isn’t possible, especially in the moment, then change what you are doing or where you are. Look at or listen to something that makes you happy, peaceful, at ease. Remove yourself from the situation or person over which you are filling yourself with negativity.

Try to think of the hurt you are causing, not just in yourself, but in the energy you are putting out into the world, into the situation you are in, or toward the person you are with. These thoughts lead to actions that take the negativity from energy to something tangible. How much hurt are you causing now?

I sometimes have days where I stew in negativity.

I’m taking the subway with my son in a stroller and no one makes room on the train so we can get on, so we have to wait for the next one, or the next one. “Jerks.” Or – my son loves to watch the trains come and go so now we get to watch more than one. Or – instead of rushing, now I have a few extra minutes to breathe and chat with my son and lower my anxiety level.

I’m carrying my son up the subway stairs in a stroller because there is no elevator in the station. “Jerks.” Or – what a great opportunity to use my strength and show my son what fortitude is. Or – the New York city subway system is a monster and the MTA is doing their best to address all the issues, it is a near impossible task with the infrastructure they are working with.

I’m pushing a stroller awkwardly into a building and someone closes the door right into us. “Jerk.” Or – maybe he was just blissfully unaware and had no idea what just happened, it was an accident. Or – maybe he was overwhelmed with something difficult in his life and he didn’t have one ounce of energy left to give and I should feel compassion rather than antipathy for him.

And then my son has an irrational but completely normal toddler melt down. If I had stuck with the “jerks” all day I wouldn’t have any patience or softness left to give my son what he needs. I know this from experience. But when I really try and practice pratipaksha bhavana I feed my inner strength that allows me to keep going with a steady gaze, a calm breath, and a smile. And then I can project that positivity back into the world.