Sometimes things need to completely fall apart to have space to rebuild anew. Adrift with no land in sight allowed for possibilities I couldn’t have predicted or imagined to appear. It also allowed for the space needed to let go of all expectations and desires and to be in a place of acceptance for what appeared.
Acceptance finally came when I could actually see the positive side to all the adversity over the past few years (see more about that here). Tapas, my nemesis, has been my unwanted roommate. Tapas is suffering, burning, austerities, self-discipline. In yoga we are meant to want this, to accept this, and feel blessed at the opportunities to rid ourselves of karma and attachments. It helps us attain freedom from our minds and our senses.
I’d rather not focus on the acceptance of suffering as something positive but rather look at the experiences themselves from a positive light.
Sure, it has been ridiculously hard to raise my son nearly single handedly – but I can take pride in how he has turned out and know that I am a positive influence on him, a good example, and I focus my parenting on him being a good person, being compassionate toward and thoughtful of others’ needs, kind, and polite. I sacrificed so he can feel secure, confident, and have a strong sense of self-worth. That was all worth the price I paid.
Losing my apartment was a blessing to finally cut the last constant reminder of my previous life away from my new life. I tried ridding my home of the weight of bad memories but the only solution was to get rid of the space.
Quitting my job for the wrong reasons became my opportunity to publish my book and get out of the professional rut I had fallen in years before. And it gave me the opportunity to build skills in new areas that have led to a new job opportunity. Losing all my money supporting myself and my son, well that decision allowed me to be with my son and I suppose it has lessened my attachments to having material things by default of not having much to hold onto anymore. So I feel more free. (Still working on that one.)
I have a new home that I love and is everything I could have wished for, a new neighborhood that I am loving discovering, a new job I am excited to start, and my son started at the school I felt was a great fit for him and he has already bonded with his teacher.
Could I have foreseen any of this? As of a month ago, no. I looked out at a vast empty ocean wondering how we would make land.
Thank you to all of you who prayed for us. I think it worked.
Hooray! Glad you are at peace.
Sent from my T-Mobile 4G LTE Device
More good news – Benjamin bonding with teacher. It’s wonderful hearing how happy you are.
Wonder-full … and more to come! I love you…
Wonderful…we are being guided all the time, aren’t we? Even (especially?) when things make no ‘sense’! I’m also feeling the blessing and opportunity to pare down and prioritize. Looking forward to reading more. Namaste, Aleya
I’m so proud of you and even more happy to hear that you are doing well. Lily and I will likely be back for Christmas – it would be lovely to see you. Xx
Thanks for providing this. I just want to make sure you saw the two posts about you on the East Yoga Facebook page (one Saturday and one today).
Happy anniversary of your pub date! (I saw it was 9/15/2014.)
I’m working long days today and tomorrow (and celebrating my bday tomorrow:-) and will also work five hours on Friday. I’ve been a little overwhelmed with many things and a bit stuck after the initial movement on the apartment, but hope things open up on Thursday so I can get more clear about what stuff I have.